I often see comments on social media that drunk driving is socially acceptable and it isn’t. The individuals making these comments may not realize that there was a time when impaired driving was not only socially acceptable but also laughed and boasted about regularly. I would like to share with you the difference between socially acceptable and now.

I used to call drunk driving the only socially acceptable form of homicide in this country.

What socially acceptable is – it is when I learned that the man who killed my daughter, Cari, was still driving on a valid California driver’s license after multiple priors and convictions and a crash the night before he killed her. It is when the police officer informed me that the man who killed Cari would not see any prison much less jail time “because that’s the way the system works.” It is when the judge says the mitigating factor of his alcoholism outweighs the aggravating factors of his numerous convictions and killing a child. It is when he is sentenced to a halfway house instead of a prison and only the second person in California to get that much and only after my activism against both killers. It is when I learn he still has a valid California driver’s license and despite incarceration such as it was, can drive to and from work and home on the weekends.

It is when I see alcohol commercials on TV that show alcohol in the car when driving.

It is when I go out for the first time after her death to a comedy show to cheer me up and listen to the comedian deliver a monologue loaded with drunk driving stories and the audience howls. I did go back to his dressing room during a break between the two shows, shared my story and cautioned that there may be other victims in his audience who didn’t find those stories funny. I stayed for the second act and was pleased to see he had eliminated the stories. He gave me a salute as I left.

It is when Johnny Carson walks out on The Tonight Show stage after his drunk driving arrest in 1982 with a police officer to discuss the circumstances of his arrest and the audience can’t stop laughing. Senator Orrin Hatch and I made the rounds of all the shows after his TV debacle. What was frustrating is that Johnny Carson appeared on his show after our laws were passed telling people not to drink and drive.

Socially acceptable means behavior, actions, or beliefs that are considered appropriate and acceptable within a specific social group or culture. That was once true but hundreds of mothers fought to change that attitude and we succeeded. Yes, the penalties could be tougher than what happens now but, in most cases, there is prison and not a halfway house, the license is removed and the sentence is longer than two years, out in 16 months. Yes, some people still brag about their DUI, however, I understand some people brag about rape and other crimes. That does not make them socially acceptable. And yes, people still drink and drive but people also commit school shootings, robbery, murder and other egregious crimes and we know those are not socially acceptable. So please avoid using that phrase and find another, more appropriate. It diminishes the work we did. People who drink and drive are often criminal abusers of alcohol, displaying irresponsibility and selfishness. They operate under the false belief that they won’t get caught, which reflects a lack of judgment. Such actions are far from socially responsible; in fact, they are profoundly reckless, dangerous, and stupid. . But they don’t do it because it is socially acceptable. It is not.

Candace Lighter, Founder
We Save Lives
Mothers Against Drunk Driving
Author, “Giving Sorrow Words: How to Cope with Grief and Get On with Your Life”